Christmas Message

Merry Christmas!

Cue all the "We need to remember the real reason for the season" comments.  Do they really make a difference?  Does my saying a snarky "Merry Christmas" in response to a genuine "Happy Holidays" make the world a better place?

Also, does my griping about the above things make a difference or speak to the real reason of Christmas?

Ah, no.

So instead, I want to look at what makes Christmas special to me.

For the first time in over a decade, I get more than a few days off for Christmas.  Two weeks off from school is going a long way toward reinvigorating that nostalgia feeling that is so key to Christmas.  As a child, I loved the expectation of Christmas, but loved just as much the idea of nothing to do for two weeks.  I'll get to spend this time with my family, and that's a win for me.

Family is the other thing that makes it special.  Watching the kids decorate gingerbread houses and shout out the car windows at their favorite lighted house.  Deflecting the request to open presents at least twice a day until the day they actually get to open them.  Honoring my wife's request to not snoop or detect what she got me.  Getting together with the extended family that we don't get to see as often.  All these things make it special.

If I'm being honest, and I try to be, I love getting gifts.  I'm kinda a big kid, so opening the gifts I've labored to not snoop is a huge part of the Christmas spirit.  I like things, and that's not wrong.

I also like watching others open the gifts I got them.  The look of appreciation- and if we're lucky, total joy and surprise- is worth the work put in to find the right gift.  I love to see people happy, especially if I've played a part in that happiness.

I enjoy my kids anticipation of Santa Claus.  Their excitement the nights leading up to Christmas Eve is palpable, and their hope that they will get all they want is a beautiful thing to see.  It is an exercise in faith.  And yes, I believe in Santa- the idea of a spirit of giving and magic and wonder is real, even if the fat man in a suit is questionable.

Christmas is about all these things.  Yes, even Santa.  Because all these things are tied into Jesus.  Yes, even Santa.  Santa is, to me, another symbol of Christ.  Christ is full of hope and joy and expectation and generosity- and if Santa helps people see those qualities, awesome.  My children are challenged to evaluate why they believe in Santa- I view it as a practice in their faith for Christ.  Some day their faith in the man in the red suit may fade, but they will have learned that faith is real.  I am ambiguous with them about my belief in Santa- I am resolute with them about my belief in Christ.

After all, Santa is based off a real man named Saint Nicholas.  A man who became a symbol because he believed in something bigger than himself- the gift of Jesus.  Yes, Christmas is commercialized and Santa as we know him a fabrication- but the spirit is real, and the spirit is born out of the life and teachings of Christ.  Santa can teach us about God after all.

And we must remember this- Christmas is not the reason we are saved.  It is joyous and hopeful where the Cross is sorrowful and painful, but the Cross is necessary for the Manger to have any meaning.  And the Tomb is necessary for both of them to be worth recognizing. 

Christmas is my favorite holiday, but Easter is my favorite Holy Day. 

Christmas is the day we see the gift under the tree, Good Friday is the day we see the gift opened on the tree, Resurrection Day is the day we see what the gift truly is.

So for me, Christmas is just the beginning.  And the best is yet to come.

Halloween

One of the many perks of teaching in an elementary school is I get to dress up a lot.  Not suit dress up- costume dress up.  Today was "Book Character Day" so we had to dress like someone from a book.  This is, I believe, much easier for girls because there are just so many more famous kids book characters that are girls.

I didn't want to do Harry Potter or Gandalf, so I went classic literature and became Robin Hood:

(My fellow Math Lab People)

Now, that was my day costume.  I put it together myself from that arts and crafts foam rubber stuff and brads and a $4 t-shirt.

I also put a ton of work into a Batman costume that I would wear Halloween night when the family and I went out.  Here it is in action:

Now, the kids had homemade costumes courtesy of my Mom- Leslie was a cowgirl:

 And Kenna was a "sparkling pink princess" in her own words:

Kristin was also a cowgirl:

And here is our mostly random family Halloween:

This one was a popular Facebook pic, so I thought I'd share it here:

So, why does a grown man like to dress up as Robin Hood and Batman?

Because it's awesome!

And my kids love it.  I want my kids to not just know it is OK to have fun as a grown-up, I want them to see it lived out.  I've been called childish for my enjoyment of such things, but I feel I need these "silly" moments to remind that there is still a little innocence, a little clean fun to have in the world.  Having moments that remind of being a kid refresh me.

Our girls ran around the Harvest Festival we went to with giant smiles and tons of candy.  And they were there with both their parents who were enjoying it just as much.  That's the kind of family we are, and always want to be.

Repost: Leaving the Ministry to Save My Faith

Re-posted from my other blog for those who follow this one only:

I believe everyone is born an idealist.

Everyone has plans, grand and glorious.  The unfortunate people have those hopes dashed pretty quickly by a terrible luck of the draw with parents or homes or illnesses that destroy.  The slightly more fortunate ones make it to school where bullies and standardized tests chip away at the positivity.  If you make it to college, it generally gets renewed- but then real life puts the choke hold on idealism once again when careers and family obligations stack up.

The really lucky ones are idealists well into their kids teenage years.  Having been a youth minister for seven years, I know first hand the face of dying idealism in a teenager's parent.

At some point, all of us see our dreams die.  But a real idealist will find a way to resurrect that dream, that hope, that call.

Idealism, really, is about an unwillingness to let the core call and dream of you life stay dead.

I began my ministry career- or accepted the call to ministry in church speak- the summer after my sophomore year at A&M sitting beside a stream in Research Park.  The call was clear and specific- God wanted me to go to the ones others would not.

Over the next seven years, I found myself spending time with students that others overlooked.  Befriending them, and disciplining them, and loving them.  In 2007, God called again to plant a church in a bar in College Station to reach college students others missed.  In September of 2008, the Gate met for the first time at Hurricane Harry's.  It has been our home since then.

It was idealistic, for sure.  A church with no funding, no backing, no members, and a handful of adults with no advertising and intended to be led by college students.  One pastor told me point blank it wouldn't work.

He was wrong.

It did- not perfectly by any means, but it grew and deepened and survived.  We saw students come and go, some stayed and became leaders.  They too would eventually leave for jobs and marriage and life.  We reached some students that had seen the church turn their back on them, or at least lose sight of them.  We were like a family.  We saw God do things- never huge things, but good things.  Idealistically, we saw a big breakthrough around every corner.

But it never came.

And people kept graduating, and being called on to new things.  And we began to shrivel a bit.

I held on to idealism, and hope, and stubborn unwillingness to let it go.  We tried to revamp and restart, but it never caught on.  And I grew weary.  And I grew spiritually apathetic.

See, every minister reaches a point when their church threatens to become their lesser god.  At that moment they have choice to choose to seek God at the risk of their church, or let the lesser god suck their true faith.

I am at that crossroads.  For the last year or so, every scripture I have read, every insight I've grasped has been funneled into the leadership of the Gate- to the detriment of my personal relationship with Christ.  Over the last few months, I've awoken to realize my lesser god is not worthy of the attention that should go to the One True God.

My church is good, but it is not God.

I've taken stock of the people who make up the Gate.  They are good people, they are growing in their faith, and they deserve a leader who is passionate about God.  I'm not right now.  But I need to be.

Our church will close on November 18.  We will still meet in our small group for the time being, we will still spend time together and seek Christ together.  Because we are still and will always be a family.

God is calling me to a speaking and writing ministry, but before that happens, I need to get right with God.  It will hurt to end something that has been so dear to me- but my church is just a thing.  The people who make it up will still be a part of my life, so it is not a sad ending.

The church never did all things I dreamed it would.  It never got huge, it never did a ton of cool ministry things.  But it was not a failure.

It helped people find Christ again.  My daughter was baptized in this church.  I have been challenged and encouraged and tested by this church.  I have failed some- but in the end, God has shown me victory.

I am leaving the ministry to save my faith.

I will not be gone forever, and when I return, it will be different.  I will have new dreams, new plans, new hopes.

Idealism reborn- as authored by God.

As soon as I find Him again.  Shouldn't be long, because even though I've lost sight of Him, He's never lost me.

The Gate was a good thing, but it was a lesser thing.  It got in the way of God- the greatest thing.  I've grown bored of the lesser thing, and hunger for God is beginning to grow.

For those who are a part of the Gate now- or ever have been, we are still on this journey with Christ together, even though the Gate is ending.  We will still walk closely together as long as possible, it will just look different.  I'm sorry for the ways I've failed you, thankful for the things I've learned from you, and expectant to see the good things God did in you that I got to be a part of building.

We are all born idealist.  Then, idealism dies so it can be reborn as something better- hope.  And faith.  Faith in Christ our Savior- a greater thing than any that has come before or will ever come.

Please, pray for me and each other as we all move forward in pursuit of Christ.

May God bless you all.

Kids Worth Bragging On

Sure, all parents want to brag on their kids.  It's sort of a selfish pride thing.  The truth is, and I have been guilty of this in the past, we make our kids out to be better than they really are.  We want to see them as perfect and smart and talented and everything we wish could have been but weren't.

And that, my friends, is a parent's right.

But every now and then, your kids do something that is so good, you keep your mouth shut and let other people brag.

Kenna had that kind of day last week.  She has been doing well in Kindergarten, and last week she received the responsibility of being the class monitor (or "in charge of the class" as Kenna put it) while the teacher stepped out.  She has become a responsible little girl, and someone else noticed it.

This week at gymnastics, she showed improvement there as well.  Here is here back bend:

Also at gymnastics this week, Leslie did this:

It was her first time to try, and she worked and worked a dozen or so times until she got it.

But that is not the most brag worthy thing.  No, that came later.

Leslie has asthma.  It's not bad, but it gets kicked up real bad when she does lots of exercise.  Like this (with a little brag worthy shot of Kenna's beam work):

She came out to us, not breathing well, and we had forgotten her inhaler.  Bad parents.  Slowly we got her calmed down and told her to go back out and just sit with the team, no push to work out.  Soon, she was working out again.  It was clear the coaches were not pushing her, it was all her.

After practice, we were paying for something at the front counter, and one of the coaches caught us and said, "Thank you!"

"For what?" we asked.

"For whatever it is you do that gives her such a great attitude.  She is the only one who smiles through conditioning.  She is so mature and such a hard worker.  She has a great attitude."

Another coach chimed in, "And tonight, she kept trying to work out even when she couldn't breathe.  The other kids had to tell us.  She works so hard."

I can't speak for Kristin, but there was at least a tiny tear in my eye.  I know how special my kids are, and I sometimes brag a little too much.

But when other adults are so impressed with my kids, I can't help but blast the brag horn loud.

That's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow.

Today was "Talk Like a Pirate" day at school.  Our school does it as a dress up day, so quite a few students and most teachers dressed up.  Now, I have a pirate history, having played Captain Jack Sparrow at youth camps a couple years in a row about 6 years ago.  The kids then loved it, as it was in the height of the movie popularity.  So, I figured I'd give it a go.  But, I was nervous.  You know that fear you had as a kid that if you dressed up for Halloween and no one else did?  Well, last year we did dress up at church and I was the only one in costume- so I was gun-shy, despite the assurances of fellow teachers.

I still suspect that there may be some hazing coming to the only new man on faculty- but that's just my paranoia.  Or is it?

Anyway, I did dress up after all:

Now, the funny thing was that I was called "Captain Hook" and "Blackbeard" just as much as Captain Jack despite my lack of hook or long, curly beard.  Sadly, it seems a new generation will not know the greatness of Captain Jack Sparrow...unless it becomes my mission to educate them.

And for every mis-identification that made me shake my head at the lack of culture in these kids- there was a  few faces here and there of sheer star-struck "THAT IS SO COOL!"  And some of them were even the kids.

If I have not made it clear yet, I love this new job.  I love that dressing up as a pirate is acceptable and encouraged.  I love that I can teach a kid math while batting beaded dreadlocks out of my face.  I love that I have to remind myself it is not appropriate to sword fight a kid- even if he did challenge me first.  I love that being goofy like today can be the key to getting into a kid's world that needs help and hope.

I am also glad that today is over- synthetic hair is so stinking hot.

Today, Chuck Norris Laughed at Me

Today was a harried day- school, followed by a quick trip to the doctor for Kenna (nothing major, no worries) followed by gymnastics.  Leslie started at 4:30, so there was some kid juggling to get her there on time.  When I got there with Kenna, Leslie had started and then there was much back and forth to car to get things we forgot to get in the first place.  Focus is not our strong suit.

On one return trip, I glanced over Kristin's shoulder and saw a red haired gentleman watching the practice- and instantly knew it was Walker, Texas Ranger.  THE Chuck Norris.  

We had heard his kids went to our gym and others had seen him, but there he was.  I played it cool and didn't tell Kristin until he left.  Couldn't have my wife embarrass me and Chuck Norris by quickly staring at him, now could I?

A little later, he returned and stood right near us in earshot.  Since Kristin and I had not seen each other much that day and we are at practice for 3 hours, we were chatting about the day.  In the conversation, we were talking about the response Kristin got about the lamps I made, seen here:

One of Kristin's fellow teachers had commented on how "Handy" I was- and Kristin explained how she had laughed about it.  It was at this point that Chuck Norris- the man who doesn't push himself up in a push up so much as he pushes the world down- turns and laughs at me.

Not a passing chuckle.  Not a belly laugh, but an extended full out laugh nonetheless.

It is at this point that I too am laughing- nervously, and the color of the above lampshade.  Kristin and I both manage a "hi" and I try to sheepishly defend my skills and deflect all at the same time.

But who are we kidding, Chuck Norris laughed at me.

A little while later, he was leaving with his kids, he turned and smiled and said, "Have a nice day!"  We returned the salutation and, when he was out of earshot, I thanked Kristin for mocking me in front of Chuck Norris.

On a side note- he seems to be a really cool and nice guy.

The Look of Success

Today was the day I got to be with students for the first time.

Now, I've been doing lunch duty, which is a bit like an obstacle course of kid's jokes and practical jokes and  "tag you're it" kind of games.  This is all well and good, but I don't really get to teach much.  Except to educate one young man on the finer points of getting people to fall for the "Look!  Behind you!"  Seriously, people won't by it if you have an ear-to-ear grin.

Despite my lesser education at lunch duty, I am still getting to teach kids math.  Today was simply assessment stuff.  I'd ask questions and they'd answer.  Simple back and forth.  But I found myself often on the edge of my seat, in anticipation of a right answer.  I'd actually get excited to see if they got it right- I WANTED them to get it right for the simple sight of seeing their joy at getting praise.  And when they got it wrong, I'd still try to encourage them, but I think my disappointment was bigger than theirs.  Because I wanted them to succeed.  After one day, I want more than anything to see these students succeed.

I'm hoping that is the stuff that makes good teachers, this hope and passion to see success in the unsuccessful.  I'm hoping my excitement at a kid counting the right number of dots never fades as long as this is my job.

Last week, I began the process of getting certified to teach.  It most likely will not be in math, but I want to bring the same feeling, the same motivation to whatever I get certified in.  Because for the first time in my life, in a job outside of the ministry, I know what I want out of it.

And it has very little to do with me, and everything to do with the look on the face of a student who got it right.

First Day of School Pictures

So That's What It Feels Like to Teach Elementary

So, what is it like to go back to school?

Pretty cool, actually.

But before I get to that, I must point out that today was the first day of school for all of us- our youngest daughter started Kindergarten today.  Kristin and I were fortunate enough to get to walk both girls to their classes today.  Kenna, who has the same teacher Leslie had, went right in like a pro.  She seemed ready to go, and eager for us to leave- she was so grown up.  I think it was this that caused Kristin to tear up.

Leslie went on to her second grade class and also acted like a pro.  As Kristin and I left to go to our schools, she began to cry a little more, and I got a little choked up as well.  Both of our kids are in school now- they do grow up fast.

My day at school included planning, and no working with students.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I had lunch duty.  It had been built up to be some epic chaos, but was in fact pretty sedate.  One spill, a couple of rolled eyes and we were done.  Still really enjoying my co-workers, and really enjoyed the young man who raised his hand at lunch (the only way they can do anything is to raise a hand and ask) and asked me how my day was.  Even a cynic like me must acknowledge that was pretty cute.

I am ready to get started actually teaching kids.  So much so, I am looking into getting started on my certification as soon as possible. 

I think I like teaching.  And lunch duty isn't so bad.

PS:  Kristin did not come home from teaching crying- a HUGE improvement over any day she had at Marlin ISD.  And she still doesn't have all the furniture she needs.

Countdown -1: The Long Deep Breath Before the Plunge

It's been awhile since my last post.  We've been busy and away working on church stuff and house sitting for my mom.  Kristin started work on Tuesday, she still has scant furniture and only the promise that the rest does exist, but no one knows where it is exactly.  She's handling it well, and sitting on the floor a lot.

But now, tomorrow I start.  Am I excited?  Absolutely.  Am I ready to get up early tomorrow?  Not a chance.  But I will.  I will meet lots of smiling teachers and excited administrators.  I will learn how to do long division again.  I will, someday, overcome my phobia of small children that are not my own.  Hopefully, that comes soon.

I am excited about being a worker again.  I am excited to be able to do dangerous housework again because I will have health insurance again...after September 1.

But I am most excited about the large number of chances I might have to make a difference in the lives of my students and fellow faculty.  South Knoll is my mission field.  I hope and pray that I will will be the best Math Lab Aide I can be, so that Christ is honored and that children feel loved and teachers are encouraged.

I want to be a light and a hope to South Knoll, and in doing so, be a light and a hope for myself.

I'm ready to do something that matters.

Countdown -10: Relaxation

Kristin woke up with a pretty rough headache this morning, so most of our getting out of the house plans fell through.  Instead, the girls played lots of Wii, and Kristin and I watched TV in a darkened room. 

Then, this afternoon, we got a surprise visit from a man in uniform- Griffin, our long time family friend who just got back from boot camp and was sorting some things out for his fall semester at A&M.  It was a bit unnerving to see a guy in fatigues coming to the door at first- but it was a good visit.

For this evening, we went out for Ice Cream for Dinner- a family tradition Kristin came up with a few years back.  The girls love it, and it's more of what today was all about- relaxation.

Countdown -12 and -11: Why I Went to Chick-Fil A

Yesterday was Chick Fil A Appreciation Day.  Now, if you are unaware, this arose because an interview Dan Cathey did where he said he supported traditional marriage turned into a rallying cry for many groups, individuals and even government bodies to call for boycott and in some cases government blockage of the restaurants opening in their municipalities.  The appreciation day was to show support for Chick Fil A and the company's values.

Yesterday, I went in support of the restaurant and waited for 45 minutes to get my food due to the large crowds gathered here in College Station.  When I got home, I saw on Facebook and the news various reports of people who went- and also of people who disagreed with the idea of backing Chick Fil A.

Generally, what I have seen is that people who are against supporting the restaurant are opposed because they see the CEO's statements as hateful, discriminatory, and/or homophobic.  And I have seen people accuse those who continue to support CFA are guilty as well.  Even if you add in the fact that CFA does give money to some organizations that have been deemed "anti-gay," I just don't see the connection.

I do not hate gay people.  While I do not agree with gay marriage, I have also done nothing to actively prevent it from becoming law.  I choose instead to focus on improving traditional marriage- namely my own- rather than spewing venom on a different lifestyle.  As a minister, I will refuse to perform a homosexual union, but that is about as far as I would go in active opposition.  And while I feel homosexuality is a sin, all I will say is that, because I believe a person's belief about that is between them and God.

So, I didn't go to CFA yesterday because I hate gay people or because I am homophobic (I have no fear of gay people, rational or irrationally).  I didn't go because I am a conservative, and I didn't go because all good Christians were supposed to.

I went to support a restaurant I believe in, who, I feel, was being ganged up on for taking a stance for what they believe.  Anyone who knows me knows I do not blindly support something simply because it carries a Christian label.  I don't like much Christian music, and I rarely ever watch a Christian movie because I don't find them very good in the quality department.  CFA has good food, and excellent service with a smile and a "My Pleasure!"  They are doing what all Christians should be doing, being the best at what they do.  In this case, it is making chicken.

I went to support a restaurant who was being singled out by government officials and having the threat of governmental punishment in the form of denied permits because the CEO said he supported traditional marriage as a part of his religious faith.  Not that he and his company denied service to anyone, or even employment to anyone, just that his faith dictated his beliefs and stewardship.

And since I seem to remember something about "prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech" in the Bill of Rights.  Before it is pointed out that CFA is not a person, the government officials were making their threats based on a PERSON'S comments, not a business's manifesto.

I went because I wanted to be a part of making a statement of support for a concept:  freedom of speech.  I despise boycotts, they are the grown-up equivalent of taking one's toys and going home.  But when someone or something does something I respect and appreciate, I am more than willing to show my support.

I don't know every entity CFA gives money to.  But then, you probably shop at HEB or Walmart or Old Navy or McDonalds- do you know every entity they donate to?  If you do, are sure you agree with every one of those recipients ideas?  It is unrealistic- unless one goes totally off the grid- to only give their patronage to places they 100% agree with philosophically, politically, and spiritually.  So, to those boycotting CFA, AND to those who are making their support for CFA about hate and discrimination- get over it.

A bunch of people went and had chicken yesterday.  Some went for pure, positive reasons, some went for spiteful ones.  Just like some people "occupied" various places for good reasons, and some for spiteful ones.

It is America, and it is our right to do so.

And it is your right to disagree with me and my choice of restaurants, and even hate me for it. 

I will take your hate while I enjoy my 12 piece nuggets.

Countdown -13: Tabling the Issue

As I write this, I have just finished my third shower of the day.  This is due to "poor planning" according to Kristin, but I think it is just because I've been busy.

After my morning workout (which I am incorporating some Bible Study and prayer with just to try something), I cleaned up to take some stuff to the Baptist Student Ministry for their International Student ministry.  This included our old coffee table (which we had replaced) and our end table (which we had not).  That meant I needed a new end table for the lamp I made:

Now, I had some left over wood from another project that just so happened to be perfect legs for an end table, so I went and got the little bit of stuff I'd need to finish the project.  Which existed solely in my head and not on any blueprint.  I like to live dangerously, what can I say?

I spent the afternoon working, and ran out of wood to finish it completely, and then had to clean up to go meet with Eric.  After I got back from that, I decided I needed to finish the job I started and went and got the rest of the wood I needed.  This is what necessitated the third shower of the day.  But, the job is complete, except for sealing it:

I like working with wood, it soothes me for some reason.  And I like being creative.  Can't wait to see it in the room!

Countdown -14: What if "Faith Like a Child" is Code for "Start Over?"

After taking a week off from exercise, I'm finding it very difficult to get back in the swing of things.  I am steadfastly refusing to believe that it is age that is causing my problems.  It doesn't help that I have recurring tendinitis in my right elbow.  It's really irritating.

But then I hear on the radio about the blind archer.  He is legally blind and yet has set the world record in archery- breaking his own record.  Won the gold just the other day in the Olympics.  There goes my excuse of a little elbow pain.

But why is it so hard when we lay off of something for a while, to get back into it.  Whether it is exercise or good eating habits or spiritual discipline.  Because I'm having a tough time with two of those.  Gave up on the good eating habits a looooong time ago.

Spiritually speaking, I've spent the last two years feeling drained from stress about work and life and church and everything else.  My times with God have been spent pleading- not exercising spiritual muscle.  And my spiritual muscles have atrophied.

Now, I've got to re-learn a lot of that stuff- how to have good times in the Bible, how to pray just to talk to God, how to see spiritual lessons everywhere.  Like the blind archer, I've got to figure out a new way to do what used to be so easy.

Guess it's time for some "faith like a child."

Countdown -15: Fresh Starts?

I've been pondering fresh starts lately, what with a new job and our church re-start all coming in the next month.  Here are some questions I've asked myself, and offer for all seeking a start over:

Can we really get a Fresh Start?  I mean, if you're in witness protection, yeah, you kinda have to.  But for us non-mob crime witnesses, it's probably difficult for several reasons.  Number one is that people have a hard time forgetting what came before- especially people called "you."  You have to be willing to close that door to the past before expecting others to.  Then you have to work to prove to them you are new and improved.  This will a problem our church has to hurdle, for sure.  Not that there were bad things before, but we need a clean slate.  Another difficulty is that most often, we start over right where we were.  This means all the same problems and temptations from before are still there.  Best pay attention to them.

How do we Start Fresh?  New job, new wardrobe, new car, new attitude.  It can be these things, it can be more.  I think the answer starts inside- are you ready for the change?  The rest will follow, but you MUST firmly decide to seek that fresh start, and in doing so, shut the door and lock it behind you.  As we resolve to change, the manner of said change will often present itself as we go.

What if it fails?  You try again.  During my attempts at a fresh start I have been humbled by failure several times.  Each time I either quickly recovered, or wallowed in self pity.  But eventually, I got up again.  I am reminded of the highly quotable Batman Begins, when Bruce Wayne's father asks:  "Why do we fall, Bruce?  So we can pick ourselves back up."

What if it Succeeds?  Enjoy it.  Revel in it.  Allow hope to grow.  But NEVER allow yourself to grow complacent again.  Nothing threatens success more than success.  For success can breed a desire to rest on your laurels.  Then you will fall and need a fresh start again.

 Lastly, if it succeeds- use it to bless others.  All of it.  The struggles, the wins, the little stuff and the big stuff.  All of it means something to you, and chances are, it will mean something to someone else.

Countdown -16: Leaning Towers of Laundry and Errands

It's funny how things stack up when you've been out of town. 

While we were gone, our large order of printed materials for the church was completed, our church t-shirts were ready, and so were our coozies for handing out to people.  We figure it is time to full on embrace the image we have as "church in a bar" with the coozie thing.  All these things were picked up before noon today, after dropping off the kids at MDO while Kristin was at teacher orientation.

I also chose to begin work on an aspen log lamp- from an aspen log we picked up in Colorado.  Turns out we had enough log for three lamps, but only enough wiring for one.  So, eventually, there will be three.  Nevertheless, it is hard to cut a six inch in diameter log- knots and all- with a circular saw.  But I did it anyway.  And I still have all my fingers and toes.  And no stitches or even bandages.

Other things stack up as well.  Namely, laundry.  But I'd rather not talk about that.

It's funny how things in general stack up, towers of wobbly desires and fears and aspirations- and they block the enjoyment of the moment.  In the midst of the errands, I found enjoyment in the moments of listening to a great CD, of working with my hands, and of being thankful for the peace of the place I am now.

Life is to be lived- not waded through.  So, even when it's the mundane stuff, try to find the joy of the day.

Countdown -17: A Recap

-23- Gymnastics-  Leslie's coach told us that she was ready to move up to the Emerald Team.  This team meets 2-3 times a week for 3 hours each time.  This was a shock and exciting to us, because Leslie has been on her current team for 6 weeks.  Seems she has potential.

-22- We were at my Mom's for the first leg of our trip to Colorado for Lauren and Scott's wedding I am to officiate.  The girls swam all day and we set out at 8 p.m. to drive through the night.  We got to Waco- 20 minutes down the road- before we hit our first major detour.  I am not a fan of Waco or I-35.

-21-Begins on the road.  All night driving gets us to Trinidad, Colorado for breakfast.  An hour and about five messed up orders later, we leave.  Possibly for the last time.  We get to South Fork, our destination, around 1 Mountain Time and are informed that we have our own place to stay, and not at the Bride's family home.  The place is amazing- the Fletcher family put us up in style.  Kristin and I walk around for the rest of the day with our jaws on the floor.  That night, we go to dinner and spot this:

 

I have a sudden desire for some Back to the Future viewing.

-20-  We wake up to the news of the shooting in Aurora.  Disbelief floods in- how could this happen? 

We proceed with our plans for the day, horseback riding for the first time with the kids.  Leslie got to ride Ken, Kristin got Barbie, Kenna got Spiro, and I got Spruce- a giant of a horse.

We headed out to the rehearsal and dinner, which meant a 2 and half minute up a driveway to the log cabin where the wedding was to be.  It was gorgeous.  We ran through the ceremony and avoided some ominous rain clouds.

The next day, we woke and spent some time in downtown South Fork, and for the second day, the girls were given something free by store owners while we shopped.  This settled it, the girls are going Camaro shopping with me. 

Now, the wedding was gorgeous, and I am so thankful Scott and Lauren asked me to be the minister.  And I gotta say, no offense to those whose weddings I have done or will do, but there really is a huge bar set for most beautiful wedding.  Case in point, here is the view the bride had as she entered.
     

We had to leave during the reception to make it Lake City that night, where we would spend the next day.  So we drove into the mountain sunset.

Sunday, we woke in Kristin's Uncle Fred's cabin, and he taught the girls Washers.  Then we went to a presentation done by a Wolf Rescue group in downtown Lake City.  Wolves are cool.  That night we dined at the Alferd Packer Cannibal Grill.  No, I'm not going to explain that, but you should Google it. 

-19-  We woke at 1:45 a.m. Colorado time and drove.  And drove.  And drove.

-18-  Kristin and I got a date day, as my Mom watched the girls so we could go see The Dark Knight Rises.  While eating lunch, we realized that July 24th- that day- was the 11th Anniversary of our first date.  Awwwww. 

As for the movie, wow.  Loved it.  Highly recommend seeing Batman Begins right before going, though- lots of connections to that one pop up.  As Kristin said, "I never thought I'd cry at a Batman movie."

That night, Kristin's mom came to my mom's house and we had burgers and showed pictures of Colorado.

-17-  We got home today.  It was a great trip, and now looking forward to getting back to the routine.

Countdown -25 and -24: More Anniversary

Kristin's goal had been to fit into her wedding dress on the 10th Anniversary- she'd worked really hard to get there. So, on the big day, we took pictures and I thought it would be a good idea to compare then to now, so here goes:

The weekend was very relaxing, and today meant getting back to the grindstone.  As much of a grindstone as this summer could be.  Kristin signed her teacher's contract today, and I  mowed the yard.  Which leads me to a new segment:

Lesser Things I Hate
Wasps.  Three of them stung me today before I could kill their nest.  Sneaky little buggers.

We're going to be without internet for a few days, so the plan is to do catch up stuff when we get it back.  See you in a bit.

Countdown -26 and -25: Tenth Anniversary

Tomorrow, July 13, will be Kristin and mine's tenth anniversary.  In light of that, I've declared tomorrow a computer free day at our house, so I'm covering today and tomorrow with this entry.

And I figure I should focus on the Anniversary part of things for it.

Kristin and I met through church and the Aggie Baptist Student Ministry.  I was the youth intern at Hillcrest Baptist here in BCS when she started attending there.  I got the opportunity to be the interim youth and college minister when the guy holding those positions left for seminary, so I created a college student team of leaders- and Kristin was one of the ones on it. 

We spent a lot of time together that summer, and I asked her out.  It took neither of us too long to figure out this was something special, so on December 8 of 2001 I asked her to marry me.  And on a rainy and cool July afternoon in 2002, we were married.

Over the last ten years, we've lived in Marlin, Seymour, and College Station- and a brief couple months with  my Mom while we sold our house and bought a new one in College Station.  We've seen awesome and terrible things- in life, in ministry, in careers.  We've survived great stresses and enjoyed great victories and brought into this world two beautiful, intelligent, unique girls.

We've dreamed together, of hopes and futures.  One dream, from early in our marriage, was to move back to College Station and work with college students.  We had no idea that we would celebrate our tenth anniversary doing just that.

Like all couples, we've had our fights.  Some legitimate, some trivial.  But the good times vastly outnumber the bad.  We've changed each other in that natural and healthy way couples do- she's softened me, and I've toughened her. 

Tomorrow, we will watch our wedding video (and probably contemplate finally converting it to DVD) and we will spend the day with our girls at the pool and at home.  We'll probably watch some Lost on Blu-ray.  And when we send off the girls to gymnastics for Parents Night Out, we'll have a romantic dinner somewhere other than McDonald's.  Someday, we'll get to celebrate our Anniversary in style, with an international trip or some romantic get-away.

But for now, we'll simply enjoy each other's company.

And really, isn't that what an Anniversary should be about?

Countdown -27: The Fall of Summer '12

Two things you need to know before I start today:

1)  I am ANXIOUSLY awaiting the Dark Knight Rises- the last Batman movie by Christopher Nolan- in which is seems Batman finally meets his physical match in Bane. Bane, who broke the Batman's back in the comics.

2)  I get bored with workouts and try to do things frequently to spice it up.

You remember I mentioned a while back the pull-up bar that caught me in the eye?  Well, today I had it up for inverted sit-ups.  I do a handstand, hook my legs over the bar and proceed to do sit-ups while hanging upside down. 

I do not tell you this to brag, I tell you this to relay my stupidity.

The key thing to doing this exercise is making sure the bar is secure.  It's a righty-tighty kind of installation, with rubber ends that are supposed to hold it in place when properly installed.  SUPPOSED TO.

Two things may have contributed to what comes next.  The bar was not exactly level, just a slight degree or ten below level.  The other was the two decade old, and until recently, unused rubber stoppers.

In any event, as I was sitting up for the my second sit-up, I heard a pop.  Then a "whump!"   In split second, I was on my back, legs still up in the air- on the verge of having the breathe knocked out of me.  My lower back was sore, and my head was a little twanged.  Laying next to me was the bar, the end of one of the rubber stoppers blown off and the washer spinning on the floor.  On the door frame is a nice long, black streak where the bar fell.

I am thankful I was in the "up" position, so I landed on my back and not my head.  I am thankful for carpet.  I'm glad I didn't have the bar as high as I originally had it.  I'm glad no child or animal was underneath me.  I am thankful I too will be somewhat crippled like Bruce Wayne in this Batman movie- he is a hero of mine, after all.

Now, to find a new way to do dangerous sit-ups....

Countdown -28: Rainy Days

I love rainy days.  Always have.  Anybody who can't appreciate rain has never lived in a drought.  Or in Texas in the summer.

This afternoon, I went outside and sat on my porch, on the ground, and just listened and smelled and watched as the rain poured down.  I can't remember the last time I was able to just sit and soak up the rainy atmosphere.

The dripping sound as pools of liquid on the ground are shot with drops from the sky.  The faint crackle of rain on leaves.  The feel of the spray- a light mist covering my face and clothes.  The tangible drop in temperature.  And the smell.  That's my favorite.  Everything is fresh and clean.

For me, rain means a fresh start.  I don't know why, but it is. Rain is hope.  Rain is a promise of life to come- because rain will make the flowers and the pumpkins and the trees and the grass in our yard grow. 

Today, it was a promise fulfilled, as Kristin got her confirmation call that she officially has the job in Bryan.

I love rainy days.

Countdown -29: A Day of Almosts

We had a great weekend, spending time at home, watching a lot of Lost on Blu-Ray, and putting together a new coffee table.  Kristin found this idea on Pinterest, so I had a busy day Friday and Saturday.

Sunday, I got to preach at Hillcrest Baptist Church.  I was looking forward to it because it was the church where I delivered my first ever sermon back in 2001.  It was the church where I met my wife and where I began my ministry career.  I was also looking forward to it because I had not preached in a traditional church in over five years.  Turns out, I really enjoyed it!  I love speaking, and I love when it connects with people, and several people came to tell me just how much it did.  I used to struggle with compliments about preaching, but I realized that if someone got something out of what was said and they want to tell you how much it meant- just say thank you.  God knows who really is getting the glory, and so do I.

We kept waiting around for the rain today, and it didn't come.  So, I got almost done with some Gate publicity stuff.  Finally, we decided to head out to the pool- then we noticed the large black cloud.  We thought we'd give it a shot, and see if we could get just a little in.  We almost made it to pool when we noticed everyone leaving the pool- apparently the lightning warning went off.  So we rushed home to beat the rain, and I rushed out to the grocery store to beat it.  We almost got rain- but the storm curved around us and we got tiny sprinkles.

Right now, it's raining more, so we're thankful, and hopeful for more tonight and tomorrow.

Countdown -30: Rules, Rules, Rules

We went swimming today, as we have done countless times the last two summers.  But this summer, we've noticed something:  more rules.

Now, the rules are not posted, at least, not the specific rules we are accused of breaking.  Today, I was told that Leslie could not jump off my shoulders into the deep end.  I am standing shoulder deep, and she is jumping into the deeper water.  We've done this almost every trip to the pool this year, and it is always directly in front of the lifeguard.  Today was the first it was mentioned.

This is also not the first time this summer that we have "gotten in trouble" with the lifeguard.  The first time was when Kenna was in the deep end with a life jacket- a no-no.

I don't mind following the rules for the pool, not at all.  But I don't like getting in trouble for something that I didn't know was wrong.  Especially when the clearly posted rules (no hanging on the lane ropes- and one kid was practically tight-rope walking it)  and rules like the life jacket one are being broken right in front of the lifeguards and nothing is said.

So, when the lifeguard got onto us, I asked her where that rule was posted, and pointed out it had never been a problem before.  She said she would get it for me.

Before we left, we went by the headquarters and voiced our issue.  Apparently others have complained that there are no "deep end rules" posted in the deep end, and that different lifeguards enforce different rules, but no one higher up has decided to act on the concerns.

Phew.  I just needed to vent.  But I must say, if the worst thing I have to complain about is swimming pool rules, life is pretty good, dontcha think?

Countdown -31: A Lehrmann Dictionary

So, beginning today, there is a countdown.  31 working days until I...well...start to work again.  Today was marked by a huge job milestone to kick things off- I got my paperwork for CSISD done and I have my ID badge.  It's much better than the driver's license picture, for sure.  Other than that, I spent the day with my mom while the girls and Kristin were at Mother's Day Out.  First we went to look at the stained glass store- Mom's new hobby that she is, as usual, quite good at.  Then we tried to track down a champagne colored tie for a wedding I'm doing at the end of the month.  Found one at Jos. A Bank- and nowhere else in town.  Unfortunately, I would refuse to pay $80 for a tie in good financial times, so I bought one for 1/20 the price with shipping from Amazon.

Over the last few days, our family has become aware that we make new words rather frequently.  Now, these may be "inside jokes" and you may have "had to be there," but it's worth a chuckle, I hope.

Buttom-  reference to one's posterior, as in when I threw a dog toy that hit our dog in the rear and said- "I hit her right in the buttom."

Chak- what can happen when something is lodged in one's throat, as in when Kenna had a plastic toy in her mouth and Kristin warned her, "Spit that our before you chak."

Grispet- cut of beef used commonly in BBQing, as in "Mom and I will have grispet for lunch tomorrow."

Dirkt Deposit-  a banking transaction where a monetary sum is deposited electronically, rather than by check, as in my Mom asking, "Will the school do dirkt deposit?"

Sniffling- act of smelling something, as in Kenna saying, "The dog is sniffling my feet."

Librarium- not a new term, but worth mentioning.  A place to check out books from, as in Leslie, when younger asking, "Can we check out books from the librarium?"

I'm sure we will discover new linguistic gems in the days to come, and we'll try to share them with you.

DAY SIXTY FOUR: The End is the Beginning

So here is what happened today:

I got up, worked out, and set about making sure our ceiling fan was properly attached.  Then, I did laundry in preparation for my Mom coming down for the 4th, and worked on cleaning the carpets.

But that isn't what you care about, is it?

Kristin called the lady from yesterday back.  She informed her that the SPED position at Henderson she applied for had been filled, but that they kept coming back to Kristin's resume, and thought she had a great interview.  (FYI:  This is the interview she thought she tanked, badly.)  When this new position opened up, Kristin was the first one she thought of.  It would be an Autism teacher at Kemp Elementary in Bryan.  If Kristin was interested, the Special Services lady would call the principal, who would then call Kristin.

A few hours later, the principal called Kristin- from her vacation- and they chatted.  They clicked so well, that the principal said she'd call the Special Services lady who would call HR who would then set up Kristin's paperwork signing.  The call ended with the principal saying she was looking forward to working with Kristin.

And so, it ends.  It ends exactly three months to the day after I was fired.  It ends with Kristin and I getting two jobs we did not apply for.  It ends with us not getting exactly what we originally planned for, but, especially in Kristin's case, getting exactly what we always wanted.  Kristin has always had a heart for students with autism.  Now, she gets to pour herself into them.  And I get to learn how to deal with little, hugging kids.  But I get to do something that matters, something that makes a difference.

We get to devote ourselves to the church we started, we get to share the same basic schedule and vacations as a family.

Through this journey, I've been angry at people and angry at God.  I've sought God, I've pleaded with Him, and now, now I thank Him.  I'm still a little peeved it took this long, but right now that is getting lost in the thankfulness and hope that fills me.  I have no doubt that God helped in this- despite my assertions just a few weeks ago- and perhaps he helped more than I know.

I am also thankful for you- you who prayed, who encouraged, who sent gifts, who listened to my venting and who did things we may never know about that played a role in where we find ourselves today.  Not to get political, but you have proved my point as to why I oppose and resist taking government welfare:  the Church should take care of their own.  Your grace and generosity have left us speechless.  Thank you for demonstrating the love and power of God.

This is the end.

This is the beginning.

Tomorrow is Independence Day.  Our family will celebrate our freedom- and our new hope.  July 5th begins the countdown to the start of the new jobs, and I hope you will join us on that journey as you have on this one.

It should be fun.