I generally balk at routines and structure. I like my freedom.
But I realized today just how easily I can fall into the mindset of, "I don't have to be at work at 8 on a Monday morning, so I can stay up later Sunday night." I didn't even stay up that late, but the fact that I had nothing I "had" to do on Monday morning at 8 made it very hard to get going.
I didn't want to do anything but lay in bed- not out of depression, but out of- well, let's call it what it is- laziness. The bed felt much better than getting dressed. But I did, finally, get up, work out, and set about cleaning the house and folding laundry.
Despite my disaffection for routine, I am a creature of habit. I don't think that makes me a hypocrite- just complex. I define it this way- routines are imposed upon you, habits are of your own making.
So, I am forming a habit. I need to write and do housework and workout, and job hunt. These must be the things I fill my day with. But- and this is the fine line- I also need to set aside time to rest in my job-free existence. Soak up those short of moments of total freedom with thing I want to do. Watch a show, play disc-golf, read, play a video game. Do things I won't have as much time for when gainfully employed. Sort of a treat for doing the other stuff.
See, now I have a rewards system.
I also have a job- sort of. I am going in tomorrow to fill out some paper work for the Audio company. I'm calling myself a "wire monkey." I hope it catches on.
I totally get it with the routines thing. I hate them when I am forced to have them, but when they are absent from my life (like over Spring Break or Summer) I go into a weird sort of depression. I have found that I NEED to have a schedule imposed on me from outside of myself to be successful. I can plan my smaller moments, my evenings or whatever with that grand framework as a starting place. Day after day of "freedom" is not good for me at all. Teaching school is good for me. I'm glad God knew that and set me to it!
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