DAY FIFTY FOUR: What is Security?

I'm reading a men's marriage book with a friend, while our wives go through the women's version- then we compare notes.  This week's chapter was on how security for a woman doesn't just mean financial security.  In fact, emotional security, knowing her man is there for her and loves her, is vastly more important.

I figure, well, I've got this one down.

But all the talk of security got me thinking about what we really view security as.  Is it a full bank account?  Is it being loved?  Is it a steady job?  Is it retirement and savings and health insurance?  Is it a loaded gun?  Is it being in control?  It's probably at least one of those and a dozen others for each of us.

But what happens when forces outside of our control take away that security?  The account gets hacked, the significant other takes off, you get fired, the stock market crashes.  Control is nowhere in sight.  In fact, you start to think that control is an illusion.  It is nothing you can really achieve.

Even if you can achieve all the things that give you security and control, there are multitudes of things that can take them away.  Things you cannot control.  An employer's whim, a natural disaster, a war a half a world away can all destroy the carefully manicured life you've built.

I've always said there are four things I see in my perfect job:  1)I'm passionate about it, 2) it's flexible/good hours, 3) it pays the bills, 4) and I feel secure in it.  My last job never captured number 1, but I was OK with that because the other three were there and it enabled me to serve my church- where I got number 1.  But when those things eroded, down to where only number 2 was left, it began to kill me.  Rather, I became keenly aware that it had always been killing me. 

Because if you do something you don't love- 2 and 3 won't matter, and you'll never have anything but the illusion of 4.

For me, security lies in doing what I love.  Doing something that matters, something that I'm passionate about.  If I can do something that I feel called to do, I can feel secure that the other things will take care of themselves.

For this reason, I am refusing to seek employment simply for a paycheck.  I've done that for four years, and I died a little inside.  No, I died a lot inside.  I thought I had no choice, because I had bills to pay.  And I do.

But I am trusting that God wants me to live for Him, not survive.  I want to work in the schools (and Kristin wants to teach), even as an underpaid aide, because I love to work with students and people to achieve their best.  To see them grow and learn- not just facts and answers- but what life is all about.  Who they are, and who they are becoming.  That is where I see and feel the most joy- be it in the church or as a teacher or as a volunteer somewhere.

That is where I find my security.